Confused + Conflicted = Blog post at 4 am :|

Well, yes it IS really almost 4 am in the morning (or night, whatever you choose to label it).

The reason why I am up and exercising my poor fingers is a hell lot of confusion. As of now, nothing (yes, NOTHING except Sukhi, Bhags and a few other people) is going right in my life. I have no job (and I don't care), no sense of direction (career wise) or a plan. Actually, the truth is I don't believe in plans. I never have. Nothing really goes according to plan, does it? If it did I would be working in probably The Economist or something similarly awesome, would have know what to do next...or so to say the least. And then, would also have had a plan b, just in case plan a fails. But, there is no plan a so that completely erases the need for a plan b, right?

Anyways, so the confusion is UK Vs Bombay, Editing Vs Writing, Newspaper Vs Magazine Vs Wesite, Journalism Vs stupid ass content writing, Pounds Vs Rupees, LIFE Vs Sad life. Looks like an easy choice, right? I would so love to be in your shoes right now and just get away from all this crap. But I can't. Probably it was me who brought it on, so I have to face it now. Like no one forced me to go to UK to study, right? So why crib now? But apart from cribbing, there isn't a lot I can do. Its just so frustrating, you have no idea. And specially because I have such an unstable brain. In fact, I am not sure of what I want. Yes, I suck at times and you have to deal with it. I am not perfect; if I were, then I'd have a plan (refer to the paragraph above), both a and b, and maybe even c just to be sure .

Normally I would have found some sort of sarcastic I-Don't-Care humour in this situation. But I just can't :/ which bugs me more than I can express in words. Why isn't there a bright side? There has to be, no? As per the-silver-lining theory/saying, there must be one. Perhaps someone just forgot to add the silver lining, or worse, stole it. I know I don't make a lot of sense, but trust me, nothing does right now (to ME at least).

There are people who want me to stay [:)], people who think I should give UK a fair try, and those who simply confuse [:|]. But seriously, have never been so confused and aimless in life. I don't like being like this. As in, I can live without a plan but not without an aim. Its just so loser-ish. And yes, I may be very unrealistic when I say, this whole situation is for losers and I am not one. But I don't see the signs that sets me apart from this category. OMG, I am just blabering nonsense, isn't it?

*deep breath* Well, wait and watch might just be the name of the game right now. But there isn't enough patience either. OMG, I such a problem magnet right now that. Need a hug :(

Anyways, more later, when I'm probably a little more sane.

But right now, feels like life was never crap-er than this, nor can it get any worse (but the latter I am not very sure of). *fingers crossed*